Temporary Spaces

Once upon a time, I grew up on a corner lot in Cincinnati, in a four-bedroom, 2.5-bath house that my parents bought before I was born and still live in now. Did I mention that it also has a two-car garage and a finished basement? And a yard? I didn’t know for those many years of living at home pre-college  that all of those things were taken-for-granted luxuries until my own process of house-hunting with Husband got started in these past few weeks.

In college, living in the same dorm room or sorority house room for nine months is not a big deal, because everyone on campus does that. My senior year, I actually moved in and moved out every quarter — moved in prior to fall quarter, moved out before winter quarter because I was studying abroad, and moved back in before spring. Then moved again in the summer for grad school. Not a fun process, but what is packing up one room — and only one room — of stuff? Not a big deal.

As a Bay Area apartment renter upon entering the real world, I was lucky enough to have lovely, long stints in only two locations over the course of seven years — three and four years, respectively. Those lengths of time sound like eons compared to the living “sprints” of college.

What I hadn’t truly prepared myself for, upon moving up here to AK, was living out of boxes for more than a year. Not bueno. Before Husband left last March to get started with his job, we started packing. And I kept packing up our apartment after he left, all the way up until June, when I finally left too. Our boxes and cars were shipped up… and at this point I have zero clue — in spite of my meticulous labeling — what is inside some of the boxes. I’m not even sure where all of our boxes are! Some at his parents’ house, some in storage, some with us at our current house-sitting gig. It is unsettling, at best. It makes me wish that packing up and moving were as easy as dealing with Barbie’s home and office module (you know, the one with the Murphy bed and the desk that also folded up into the wall).

My sister had this when we were kids and I LOVED playing with it.

What is difficult is this sense of living temporarily, like we’re never really settling into a space because it doesn’t belong to us. It’s one thing to charge forward in life and career, but there is a sense of stability in having one home, one place that feels safe and sacred and… regular, for lack of a better term. Like even when all of the craziness of a day or a boss is inside your head, going home is an escape from that. Right now, being half in and half out of a combination of boxes, baskets, and suitcases is consistently disconcerting.

I am sure, as with all things in life, that “this too shall pass,” and it won’t be an eternity until we have a place of our own. And at the same time, I am a wee bit anxious to find a home that will anchor us a bit more securely to our life here. I need that in a physical way — I miss some of our furniture and all of our art. But I also need it an emotional sense, because living in temporary spaces makes it seem like we can just pick up and leave at any time, so I keep looking in the rearview mirror and wondering, even while I am happy with Husband and the possibilities of our life here. For me, part of living somewhere is investing in the community, and that is so much easier to do when I know I’m going to be around for a bit, like not just for a few months here and there.

I also think that both of us (Husband and I) are excited about this “grown-up” endeavor of buying a house. Not to say that we are rushing into anything, because God knows we have seen some absolutely terrible properties, but it certainly feels like a solid, logical next step in our married life together. We started on the process of building our relationship many years ago, and building up the life of a home together is something we have been looking forward to since we moved up here. In fact it was a motivating factor in deciding to move, because we knew we could afford a real house with a yard up here (as opposed to renting forever in the Bay Area, probably, short of winning the lottery).

For now we are enjoying the house hunting process, and every time we walk into the front door of another place, I know we are trying to picture ourselves plus our dog plus future kiddos inside. That’s a good feeling, one that will get us through living in these temporary spaces and places.

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4 responses to “Temporary Spaces

  • pursuenaturalny2008

    The wife of a CEO of a biotech company was saying wistfully that yet again they would have to move. They could not buy a place because the biotech company was a start – up and might fail at any time. So, they were renting – a huge place, but nonetheless, renting. The land lady became greedy and raised the rent by $200/- a month and so they have to move again. She had moved 4 times in the last 5 years and she hated it. She missed her home of ten years which she had sold when her husband got laid off from another biotech and had to move to the new job location for two years, and get laid off their too and then get hired by this start up. A home forever, to build roots within a community, where your children return as grown ups to meet old friends who return too with their children and you are close to everyone and complain at how every body has to be invited for the child’s wedding. That’s only a dream for this CEO and wife.

    • kcislander

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I definitely hear your message about the idea of having roots in a community — my parents have lived in the same house for over thirty years, and a good portion of our neighbors there are still the same, every time I’m home to visit. There is a great sense of security and familiarity in that… Good luck on your own adventure in the meantime. =)

  • Elizabeth Richardson

    How exciting to be house hunting, Kristy! George and I looked for about a year before we found our house. We saw some really terrible places, really beautiful places out of our price range, and one red herring with a great location and great bones that needed a lot of work. But when we walked into our house, we both absolutely knew it was the one. Good luck!

    I really enjoy reading your blog!

    • kcislander

      eebs –Thanks for the encouragement. House-hunting actually is fun, but it can be tiring and nerve-wracking, too, as you know. If you are in town from April 20-29, let me know, because I am visiting the Bay Area then and would love to see you and Lucy and your house in person!

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